We got a notice from our building management, stating that we can no longer store our bicycles in our apartments/balconies, but have to put them in the underground parkade – a designated area for bicycles. Bicycles are no longer permitted in the building. WTF. As much as I’d like to sit on a dusty seat every morning, accumulated from the dirt and exhaust from the night before, I do have some concerns.

My bicycle costs more than 1/3 of the vehicles stored in the parkade. If I drove an old Dodge, Chrysler or Ford, I wouldn’t care to leave it anywhere. I would leave the thing unlocked. Who’s gonna go through the trouble to steal that thing. Instead of encouraging healthy lifestyles, recycling programs and outdoor activities, the management has decided to once again promote the couch potatoes. Meanwhile, my door is still not compliant to fire code, and my window was covered with a black garbage bag by the maintenance guy from downstairs because of the cold air that was seeping through the cracks. My bedroom was a cave for a week, until Igor went and replaced it himself. Plus, the rent keeps going up.

Long live the man.

I bet we will never get a letter stating that no hunting equipment is allowed in the building. Statistically speaking, I could also bet you that there is at least one apartment in the building containing some kind of a gun. Why not create a designated area for those.

And what about hygiene? What about moldy, dirty apartments that you can smell from down the hall? As long as you are quiet, pay the rent on time and DON’T have a bike, you’re fine.

Dear Management:

1. A 5-foot fence is not a “secure bike rack” for my 1000 dollar bicycle. Do you see that isolated tire locked down to the floor? Don’t you assume there used to be a bike attached to it once?

2. Who is really bothered by my bicycle anyways? The fat woman that sucks on a frostie every morning? Maybe she should get on a bike too.

Peace, I’m out.